Koh Samui – Day 5: Crash, Bang, Wallop!

Good afternoon… AGAIN.

Again for me – not for you..

I just spent about an hour typing up the events of today so far, went to the toilet and came back to find someone had closed the window I was using on my PC… I. AM. FUMING – so… try again:

Anyway… remember in my last blog that I mentioned I was gonna go for a bike ride with the girls? ..Jen, Sheli and Kim? Yeah.. well..

I kinda crashed mine.. and before you start laughing! …I had to do it.

Basically – I got on my bike outside the spa, revved it, all fine… kicked it off its stand turned slightly, hit the accelerator to turn… and it jammed. So I hit the brake. Nothing happened. Bugger. I’m now heading into the spa, on a moped, with no brakes and no decrease in speed.. infact.. increase only. Bugger.

Oh yeah.. also just quickly..

The spa is in low season at the moment and the place is pretty quiet.. but all of a sudden there was all these people around! I had to swerve a bit to steer out of the way of the scattering people! ..it probably looked really funny.. in fact it did.. but more on that later.

But! Quick thinkin’ old me decides that the only way to stop this bike before it hits anyone is to get the damn thing onto the ground.. so as soon as the people were clear I leaned it over…. and crashed it.

I get up, a bit shaken up due to the intensity of the last two seconds and I’m confronted by the bike man tellin’ me how to use the soddin brake! I’m like: “Dude. I know how to ride a damn motorbike – I used to have one..Jeez.. the bloody accelerator jammed!” Grr… I get up.. and then I realise my legs hurt a little.. I look down to discover that there’s a certain amount of skin missing from my knee, shin and toes.. hmmm… that’s probably why I’m in pain.. (I said out loud – thinking I’d thought it) ..so I toddle off to the shower rooms to clean the wounds.. that will probably start bleeding soon..

By this time everyone else has caught up with me and they were fussin’ and stuff – there was a first aid box etc.. (which I had to help direct!… TCP, iodine… you name it) ..the three girls I was going to go out with caught up with me and made sure I was ok and stuff.. but by now my proper chilled out blood has decided that maybe it should be doing something about the missing skin.. ie: bleeding out of it maybe?!

So Sheli clocks the blood and she bails pretty much immediately.. she’s not a pussy.. far from it.. she’s a nutter in fact.. but she is however a haemophiliac and if what happened to me happened to her she’d have to go to hospital and stuff and there’d be all kinds of badness.. so yeah. In the end it was just Kim and Zen Jen who went on the ride.. Kim promised to bring me back a gift.. so that was cool.

Anywhoo – I got all bandaged up and dragged my sorry self up to my room.

Whereupon I was visited by Steve and Lauren.. which was cool. Lauren was en route to a massage but she gave me a hug and stuff and then Steve taught me how to play Chinese Chess (interesting but bloody hard) and then some friends came up and asked if I fancied watchin’ Sin City.. i didn’t (was still playin chess) but I went down after a while.. so I watched the last two thirds.. Lauren bought me back a pad and a pen from her travels which was REALLY cool because I’ve been dying to sketch since I’ve got here.. (and she wrote me this really sweet note about healing physically and emotionally and stuff – bless her – she is lovely ) ..so yeah.. that’s kind of my day.

Since startin’ this blog post (the first attempt anyway) ZenJen and Kim have come back and Kim got me this cool Buddha chain to wear.. which is pretty rockin’.

Oh yeah.. and as soon as they got back and realised I was ok – they proceeded to tell me how hilarious the beginnings of my accident were.. ie: They looked up to see what was going on only to see me shoot off into the spa! “VROOM! …and you were gone dude! We thought you were gonna come out of the other exit with a coconut juicer in your hand or somethin’ shoutin ‘i forgot this!’ Hahahah…” ..bless em.

I think I’m gonna be holed up in here for a while now – my legs HURT dudes. So Uncle Travelling Matt’s postcards* probably wont be as detailed in the near future!

Dunno what I’m doing tonight.. need to go get a colema soon ish. But I need some new bandages first… hmmm.. that’ll probably hurt a bit..

So yeah – guess i’ll see ya later folks.

Take it easy..

*You know Uncle Travelling Matt right?

Koh Samui – Day 4

Good evening one and all – its 1859 here and today has been a good (if a little expensive) day..

We’ll get there..

So yeah – this morning I was all set for a day on the beach (the Sun was out and everythin) but by the time I’d got my backside in gear – the skies opened and just chucked it down!

Grr! Never mind – so I sat down with this American chick called Kim – she;s 41 and doesn’t look it …at all… (Hi Kim – you owe me if you’re reading this!) ..so yeah – we had a good chat over breakfast.. well – she ate, I watched.. Kim’s been fasting for 20 days – crazy – and today she broke her fast.. so fair play to Kim. Anywhoo – we spent a good hour just comparing drunk stories – and then chatted hobbies and stuff – snowboardin’, wake/kneeboardin’ etc.. it was all good.

Anyway – the plan was to locate our friends and ask them if she fancied a walk down the beach.. but it was still raining when they turned up and then by the time we spoke to they they’d already made plans.. ah well.

So yeah – eventually the Sun came back out and as Plan A went tits up.. onto Plan B: Sunbathe! So I did my colema and afterwards I fell in with Kim and the pair of us strolled down the beach to the nicer part.. where upon we decided to sunbathe..it was cool. In fact – she’s cool. She’s a Cancer – and Cancer’s are great to talk to for Scorpios.. so yeah – we got on like a house on fire.. no attraction – a bit of cheeky flirting but that was it.. so yeah – we were like.. “Lets sunbathe!” …ten mins later.. “Lets go for a swim!” …then about 10mins after that…. “Hmm.. I wonder how much those Jetskis are to rent…!” ..so off we toddled and hired ourselves a ‘Waverunner’ each.. one of those great big sit down ones y’know?

It was awesome – I’ve never been on one before and I had SUCH a laugh….

….until we were playing chicken right.. (yes – I know – very silly – it wasn’t chicken per se – we were just buzzing along together y’know) ..so yeah – Kim was turning and didn’t realise how close she was to my Jetski.. ..and then “CRACK” her jetski rode up over mine (good job she was turning or else my head woulda come off) and broke the wing-mirror off the side of my jetski…WHOOPS!

So yeah – we’d paid 1000bht each per jetski for 40mins right.. so thats about 14quid or so – not too bad.. so we head back to the beach like a couple of kids who’ve really messed up this time… and yeah we were like:

“Sorry! Didnt meeeean tooooo!”

Hmm.. anyway – the bloke there called his boss and then that boss called his boss and eventually there were four of them studiously examining both jetskis.. they were pointing out all sorts of damage on the jetskis that no way in hell had we done.. so I wasnt getting angry or anythin’, I just knew how this was gonna go down y’know? They were gonna try and fleece us and I wasnt gonna let that happen..

So yeah – the boss man sits down and he’s like –

“ok ok ok.. wingmirror – no buy one – only buy two.. so that 6000bht.. then there fibreglass damage… that 2000bht.. then 3000bht for each boat for lost rental..(that part was on the contract that we signed before hand) total… 14,000bht”

As he was saying this he was writing it all on paper so we could see how he totted it up right.. anyway..

FYI – 14,000bht = 200quid.

Balls to that.

So I looked this bloke in the eye and said:

“Right – first off – you CAN buy singular mirrors, I’ve got a jetski at home.. and I KNOW pal..so that can be halved straight off the bat..” I crossed out his 6k and wrote 3.. then.. “Also.. that fibreglass damage could well have been already there so I we ain’t payin’ for that..” ..crossing that out as I’m saying it.. writing a big fat ZERO.. then.. “..and mate – there’s only one jetski damaged so you can half that one too..” ..I crossed his 6k out and again I wrote 3. I then totalled the lot up to 6,000bht…

The bloke next to the boss man added my two 3k’s onto my 6k and went to write 12k…

“Nah mate… six thousand baht.. no more”

“Okay…” he says..

Right – so THEN I get my wallet – and I know for a FACT that there’s no way on Earth that I bought 6k out with me..  I had about 700bhts in change, 45USD in various denominations and 20quid in two tenners..

So I said to him “You can have all that.. “

First off – I don’t think he saw the one dollar bills in my wodge of dollars – I think he just saw the ten dollar bills.. and then he saw the two tenners and a puzzled look came across his face.. “How much?” ..he said.. “Ah…” said I “..they’re about 1000bhts each..” LIE! They’re about 700 – tops.

So yeah – I did give him all the cash I had – but in the end I gave him about 3,900bht…. Three Thousand Nine Hundred… from 14,000! I think I did bloody well if I’m honest!

So yeah, did that – and walking back Kim said – “Hang on.. didnt you say that was your first time on a Jetski?” “Yeah dude.. it was..” I said, grinning.. She couldnt believe it! “Not a twitch!” Kim exclaimed! Hahaahaha.. complete poker face.. brilliant. So in the end we paid about 40quid for their loss of rental and about fifteen quid for the wing mirror..


(I am superskint now mind.. Hmmm.. have to try and sort somethin out.. )

But – to be honest – that amount ain’t too bad split between two people.. so yeah – that was just in the space of 90mins! So me and Kim came back after an exhausting and funny (and expensive) lunch date as it were…hahaha.. came back – told loads of people about it – well funny. Told these two girls who joined us and in the end the four of us went and played pool together round the corner in the bar.. that was cool too – the two girls are Canadian and I was the only Brit – very funny – the two girls were lesbisans but not together – just mates – but we were just having a laugh.. taking the mick out of each other and stuff – had a right giggle.. in fact.. I think we’re going out dancin’ later.. which should be funny! No Alcohol?!


So yeah – I’ll let you know how that goes in the morning..

( in other news – my Nintendo DS seems to have died – Dunno what to do about that )

But yeah – I gotta go grab a detox drink – I’m 30mins late for it!

So laters dudes.. til next time.

Koh Samui – Day 4

Morning all..

Its 9:38am here and I’m in a good mood.. better than I was earlier anyway – couldn’t sleep at all last night – drifted off about 3ish.. up at 7am for my detox drink.. grrr… but yeah – the sun’s just come out so I’m gonna update this and go catch some rays..

So yeah – yesterday..

So I sat down with Steve and co and walked back through the lounge area and some guy had put Amelie on the DVD player.. I walked up to the sofa and said out loud to no one in particular – “Amelie.. Wow.. I love this film..”

And this girl who was sittin’ on the sofa just looked up at me and said “Why dont you watch it with me then?”

I looked at her, she smiled and me.. I smiled back and said:

“Y’know what… I think I will..”

So I did – I nipped back to the table told the others I’d be gone for a while.. and rocked back to the sofa and sat down next to this funky chick from Brighton called Jen.. she’s cool. So yeah – we talked about the film and stuff and THEN it hit me.. I hadn’t seen Amelie in ages! In FACT – I’ve only ever seen it once.. I fell in love with it – I think its a beautiful story, beautifully told and beautifully written with a certain poeticness about it.. so yeah – I saw it at the cinema YEARS ago in Southend with my mate Natalie.. Then I remembered why I hadn’t seen it since.. I’d always tried to get my ex to watch it because I knew how much she loved film and how much she’d enjoy it and she’d always flatly refused because I’d seen it and fell in love with it with Natalie! I never bought it on DVD because I knew it’d be more trouble than it was worth and stuff and… well – it was bonkers.. It always used to get to me how my ex would deprive herself of such a wonderful piece of film-making just because I’d seen it with someone else y’know?! …at the time I kind of just let it ride but now… now I’m like – WTF?! What’s that about?! I mean Jeez… So yeah – I enjoyed watching Amelie just that little more – it was like it was meant to be y’know? I mean what OTHER film could I just happen to watch while I was here y’know?!

So yeah – it was perfect..

Throughout the film this lass and I were having a bit of a chat and stuff and then after the film had finished I leaned back and looked up at her upside down and said

“Thank you.. so much.. I doubt I would’ve watched that if you hadnt have asked me.. “

“Awww, now worries mate” she said..

“So yeah.. I feel like I should ask you out for a drink and stuff but I’m kinda fasting so I cant.. “

“Ah well..” she said.. (Jen finished her fast about a week ago)

“..and our afternoon at the cinema went so well” I said.. a bit cheekily..

“Yeah..” ..she giggled.. “I’m actually going to see MI:3 tonight if you fancy it?”

“Yeah.. sounds like a great plan – cheers dude..”

“Cool – well I’m going with a mate so meet me back here at about half eightish yeah?”

“Yeah” I said.. and it was cool – we hooked up later and had a coconut drink and stuff then got a bus/van thing down to the cinema – MI3 wasn’t on so we watched Poseidon instead.. Jen’s friend turned up but went home because she was feeling rough so it was just me and her.. and it was cool.

Had such a nice evening.. it was like being thirteen again. We just snuggled up in the cinema together.. held hands and stuff.. watched the film.. had a giggle.. then we got a couple of taxi bikes home afterwards and I walked her home (back to her hotel anyway – she’s not staying here) we had a hug and peck.. (no snogging) ..and that was it. It was great.. there was no massive pressure to take things further.. there was no massive pressure to do anything at all.. so nothing happened and I think I felt better for it.. y’know?

Part of me was happy because I wasn’t erasing the memory of my past and part of me was happy because I wasn’t rushing into my future..

The respect was there for my ex and also for this girl that I’d met like 6hrs previous..

Its like Jet said: “..protect your heart before you give it to anyone else..” ..so yeah – last night I went on a ‘date’ (I think) and it was cool.

I feel good today. Yesterday I let go of a bit more.. and I felt.. I feel better for it. I don’t think I really ever understood how much baggage I had..

I don’t think it will all drain out while I’m here but I think being here is helping me pull the plug out y’know?

So yeah..

.. there you go.


Speak soon – the Sun’s out and I’ve been here longer than I wanted to be..


Koh Samui – Day 3 Cont…

Good evening folks,

What have done today?

Well – Steve and I went into Chaweng to get some bits and bobs. I got that painting I wanted – its cool and I love it and its going in my room…

Picked up a Diesel belt for my mate Martin too – I told him I’d got one and he emailed me back almost immediately saying “DUDE! YOU GOTTA GET ME ONE!” …so I did. I’m a generous old soul I guess..  Picked my mate Caroline up some earphones too – she didnt pack any with her iPod bless her! But yeah – that was cool..

What else – Umm – I watched Amelie this afternoon.. that was nice.

I’d type up why – but this keyboard is rubbish – I’ll do it tomorrow when I can use a different PC.

Koh Samui – Day 3

Afternoon all..

Day three of my fast today.. felt the crappest I’ve felt so far this morning – just generally rundown y’know? Apparently its natural so I’m just letting it happen.. just been for a traditional Thai Massage – that was a bit mental! The crazy chick (it was Jet’s Wife – y’know Jet right?) cricked my back! I’ve NEVER had my back cricked before – it was mental!

She kinda got her hands under my arms and behind my head like in a Full Nelson (wrestling move – look it up you’ll see what I mean) then swung me back and forth or a bit then pulled me really hard and my back just went “CRRRRRRICK!” ..it was mental.. so yeah – had that – it was awesome.

What else.. I’ve had my morning Colema today – that passed without event really.. although now i’m day three some folk are suggesting that I start using the sieve.. Hmm.. A girl here called Polly (lovely she is – reminds me of my mate Frankie) heard a ‘clink’ one day during one of her Colemas.. She didnt have the stomach to look and see what it was but after that she started using her sieve… Another guy – this Aussie chap – he had an elastic band come out that he’d eaten when he wass ELEVEN! Also – why we’re on the subject of Aussies – did you know that any trip to a Spa is Tax Deductable in Australia?! Because they’re so hot on healthy living etc.. they make it tax deductable! This bloke got his bill and he was like – “Cool, I’ll give that to the accountant..” I mean.. Dude. Lucky bazza.

So yeah – I’m gonna head back into Chaweng later this arvo with my mate Steve – he wants to get a new Guitar and I want to get this painting I’ve seen – its a large version of that Hed Kandi Album Cover that I like…

Still need to get some string for that crystal that Jet gave me too..

Thats about it I think today.. Might give that Seichim a go later in the week.. its like Reiki but it uses different energies apparently – so we’ll see!

Also – while I’m on the subject, remember I said I had a massive emotional trip when I had my reiki – well its not just me! I was talking to Polly just now and she went last night and a similar experience.. so that’s cool. That’s cool because she got something good out of it and its cool because it means I’m not a complete nutcase! Hehehe…

So yeah – gonna chip now – its 1230 – gotta have my detox drink (see my schedule on Day One) and then I’m off to Chaweng..


Koh Samui – Day 2 Cont…


Not much else to report this afternoon/evening – ( its 1823 here ) – just finished Colema numero tres.. It werent too bad. Its still odd.. But yeah.. there ya go.

Today I went into Lamai town to go shopping with Lauren & Zoe.. Those two and my mate Steve are kind like the little gang I’ve fallen into – the only problem is they’re a few days ahead of me on the fasting front so yesterday and today I had to watch Zoe eat a super huge Salad! I was drooling at the thought! Dammit..

Anywhoo – I digress… So yeah, went into town, did a little shopping.. got something nice for my little bro.. went round a few of the tattoo places to see if I could see something I liked but nah.. couldnt. Hmm..

Think I’m gonna get it done when I get home. I want a something that symbolises rebirth and/or renewal y’know?  A new me.. So yeah – I WAS thinking about getting a Pheonix on the small of my back or something but I’m still not sure – I reckon I’m gonna rock down to Silver Needles on Southend Seafront and see what they can do for me -I’ll probably pay a LOT more but I think I’ll trust them more y’know?

What else did I do today.. I picked up my crystal from Jet – that was cool. He’s given me a Jade Heart Crystal to wear around my neck.. need to get some rope for it now..

So yeah – went shopping with the girls.. came back along the beach – that was nice.. actually had some sun today! Wow.. its just been overcast and rainy most of the time I’ve been here – fingers crossed it’ll cheer up soon..


Chat soon – tomorrow no doubt.


Koh Samui – Day 2

Good morning one and all,

Its 10:10 in Koh Samui and I’ve just had colema number two. More on that later..

Lets start from where I left off…

Yesterday after I posted I went into the restaurant – had some veggie broth and met some more people.. this one lass, Claudine, was talking about this bloke round the corner called Jet.. (awesome, I know) ..who does Reiki..

So I was listenin away and I was like – “I’m doing that”

I rocked up to Jet’s place and he was like come back at 7pm – so i did.


First off: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki Thats what Reiki is.

At first I didnt feel anything – nothing at all – my mind was all over the place.. couldnt concentrate y’know… but then – once he moved onto my arms and my hands i slipped into it – started concentrating on where he was touching me… and at one point.. he had both my hands on my tummy with both of his hands on top of them and it was like he was saying “Its ok.. let go of the pain..” ..and I could feel myself welling up.. The emotion was so raw and so close to the surface.. and yet i didnt break.. it was there though – felt like he unerstood my pain y’know? My upset..

This went on for about an hour.. not the moment.. the reiki. The Moment only lasted about 5-10 mins tops.. but yeah.. afterwards he said to me “Your heart is weak..” and I was like.. “what? do I have a heart murmur or somethin?!” … “No no no..” he said “..your heart is damaged. I dont know how.. male, female.. someone die? Relationship.. yes, relationship. Your heart is weak now and you need to protect it and let it mend before you give it to anyone else.. ”

Oh my god. I nearly burst into tears there and then.

That was so emotional.. he’s getting me a protective crystal to wear – gotta go back and see him soon.. probably gonna have one more session before I come home – see if I’ve made any progress y’know?

So yeah.. thats one giant step for me emotionally. Really feel like I’ve started to let go now.. Proper nudge in the right direction.


What else – well this mornin my friend Zoe made me weigh myself and I really didnt want to know yet.. but they (my other mates) all insisted.. so I did. I was about 14st before I started my pre-cleanse two weeks ago.. and now? ..now I’m 12st 10. I’ve lost loads!


This morning I managed to get up on time so I didnt miss any of the treatments – which was good! ..after that I went to the 7:30 meditation session.. that was weird.. had a proper moment then too – it was odd – “Active Meditation” they call it.. Lots of movement – I couldnt handle it. I was there for about 45mins but then it got too much for me.. I had to leave.. Chillout – I broke into a sweat and then my hearing went.. it was crazy. Lauren (this other, actually quite cool, girl I’ve met) reckons maybe I’m trying too much too soon – I took a large step yesterday and maybe I need to rest a bit before I try another.. I think she has a point.


So I had my second colema this morning – that wasnt half a odd as the first one.. but yeah – its not painful – its quiet cleansing – you feel light afterwards y’know? I’m into the whole massaging of the colon bit now… you kind of let the water in a bit.. then massage it about a bit – then let more in.. repeat massage then let it out.. odd – but it makes sense when you do it – trust me!

yeah – so that was ok..

What now..

Um.. I’m gonna log off and go see whats going down. Steve knows a bit of palmistry and said he would read my palms in a bit – so that should be cool.

Also Lauren has gone to tryout this kind of Egyptian Reiki called Sekhem – thats with Jet too – so i’ll find out what thats like and come back to ya – maybe give it a go myself!


Catch ya later folks.

Thanks for listenin’/readin’.