Koh Samui – Day 6

Afternoon all..

Well being in pain certainly knackers you out a fair bit!

Jeez.. I am shattered today. My alarm went off at 7am for my first detox, I had it.. then went straight back to bed – I havent done that since being here.. jeez.

Shattered.. slept til 830, woke up. took my pills, slept til 10, woke up, detox drink… then decided to stroll down to the pharmacy to get some new bandages and stuff..

So yeah – been a slow morning.. My mate Kim crashed over last night – she checked out yesterday but didnt fancy going to Bohput til today so I said she room with me – which was cool.. but I had this felling what was going to happen.. and guess what?! It happened.

NO! NOT THAT! …Kim’s my mate dude – proper kindred spirit..

We haven’t stopped talking since we first had chat about our drunk stories a couple of days ago and I thought, ‘..if she crashes over, we’ll be up chattin all night..’ and sure enough.. we were. It was cool though.. everything from life experiences, to politics, to stories of stuff we’ve done.. and she’s pretty awesome.. it got to the point where we trying to find something to disagree on! It was funny..

Also, tres cool….

So yeah – she’s been a cool playmate over the past few days and she’s just chipped off. So take care Kimmy.. (hahaha) ..and safe travels. Speak soon dude!

That’s about it for me – the sun’s out and one of the dudes here wants me to talk about the accident so I gotta do that too..

Chat laters dudes.

PS – might go to the cinema tonight – should be cool.

Koh Samui – Day 5: Crash, Bang, Wallop!

Good afternoon… AGAIN.

Again for me – not for you..

I just spent about an hour typing up the events of today so far, went to the toilet and came back to find someone had closed the window I was using on my PC… I. AM. FUMING – so… try again:

Anyway… remember in my last blog that I mentioned I was gonna go for a bike ride with the girls? ..Jen, Sheli and Kim? Yeah.. well..

I kinda crashed mine.. and before you start laughing! …I had to do it.

Basically – I got on my bike outside the spa, revved it, all fine… kicked it off its stand turned slightly, hit the accelerator to turn… and it jammed. So I hit the brake. Nothing happened. Bugger. I’m now heading into the spa, on a moped, with no brakes and no decrease in speed.. infact.. increase only. Bugger.

Oh yeah.. also just quickly..

The spa is in low season at the moment and the place is pretty quiet.. but all of a sudden there was all these people around! I had to swerve a bit to steer out of the way of the scattering people! ..it probably looked really funny.. in fact it did.. but more on that later.

But! Quick thinkin’ old me decides that the only way to stop this bike before it hits anyone is to get the damn thing onto the ground.. so as soon as the people were clear I leaned it over…. and crashed it.

I get up, a bit shaken up due to the intensity of the last two seconds and I’m confronted by the bike man tellin’ me how to use the soddin brake! I’m like: “Dude. I know how to ride a damn motorbike – I used to have one..Jeez.. the bloody accelerator jammed!” Grr… I get up.. and then I realise my legs hurt a little.. I look down to discover that there’s a certain amount of skin missing from my knee, shin and toes.. hmmm… that’s probably why I’m in pain.. (I said out loud – thinking I’d thought it) ..so I toddle off to the shower rooms to clean the wounds.. that will probably start bleeding soon..

By this time everyone else has caught up with me and they were fussin’ and stuff – there was a first aid box etc.. (which I had to help direct!… TCP, iodine… you name it) ..the three girls I was going to go out with caught up with me and made sure I was ok and stuff.. but by now my proper chilled out blood has decided that maybe it should be doing something about the missing skin.. ie: bleeding out of it maybe?!

So Sheli clocks the blood and she bails pretty much immediately.. she’s not a pussy.. far from it.. she’s a nutter in fact.. but she is however a haemophiliac and if what happened to me happened to her she’d have to go to hospital and stuff and there’d be all kinds of badness.. so yeah. In the end it was just Kim and Zen Jen who went on the ride.. Kim promised to bring me back a gift.. so that was cool.

Anywhoo – I got all bandaged up and dragged my sorry self up to my room.

Whereupon I was visited by Steve and Lauren.. which was cool. Lauren was en route to a massage but she gave me a hug and stuff and then Steve taught me how to play Chinese Chess (interesting but bloody hard) and then some friends came up and asked if I fancied watchin’ Sin City.. i didn’t (was still playin chess) but I went down after a while.. so I watched the last two thirds.. Lauren bought me back a pad and a pen from her travels which was REALLY cool because I’ve been dying to sketch since I’ve got here.. (and she wrote me this really sweet note about healing physically and emotionally and stuff – bless her – she is lovely ) ..so yeah.. that’s kind of my day.

Since startin’ this blog post (the first attempt anyway) ZenJen and Kim have come back and Kim got me this cool Buddha chain to wear.. which is pretty rockin’.

Oh yeah.. and as soon as they got back and realised I was ok – they proceeded to tell me how hilarious the beginnings of my accident were.. ie: They looked up to see what was going on only to see me shoot off into the spa! “VROOM! …and you were gone dude! We thought you were gonna come out of the other exit with a coconut juicer in your hand or somethin’ shoutin ‘i forgot this!’ Hahahah…” ..bless em.

I think I’m gonna be holed up in here for a while now – my legs HURT dudes. So Uncle Travelling Matt’s postcards* probably wont be as detailed in the near future!

Dunno what I’m doing tonight.. need to go get a colema soon ish. But I need some new bandages first… hmmm.. that’ll probably hurt a bit..

So yeah – guess i’ll see ya later folks.

Take it easy..

*You know Uncle Travelling Matt right?

Koh Samui – Day 5

Good morning one and all.. its 945am here and all is good.

So yeah – carrying on from yesterday’s post – last night Kim, Sheli, Jen (that’s them below) and I all went out in Chaweng.

I love this place..

So yeah – we caught a Suntao into Chaweng (Suntao – its like an open back van that they use like buses.. 50bht or so each to go wherever you like – just ding the bell to get off) ..and we went strolling to see what was going down groove town..

The girls SO wanted to see a Ladyboy show – I was like… “oh……..kaaaay”

Sheli decided I was going to need a ‘designated anal protector’ so the girls took it in shifts.. lol – very amusing.. but dudes.. I had SUCH a giggle..

So yeah – we get there and the show doesnt start til later, so we do a bit of shopping (picked up a few CDs.. Kim got a painting), and wander round the clubbing strip for a bit – we found (what we thought was) a strip club and again the GIRLS were well up for going in there! I was cool with anything they wanted to do – so it was decided that was where we were gonna go after the lady boys.. Heheheh..

So yeah – off we went to the lady boy show… and it was brilliant – I’d recommend everyone sees one of these just once in their lives! It was so bizarre.. Jen was just cracking up because I just had this constant look of bemusement and confusion on my face the whole time… we were really good too by the way – we didnt have one alcoholic drink.. Well.. Kim did, but she finished her fast the day before so she was allowed… (we didnt TRY and get her drunk – HONEST!)…

Yeah, ok – so… when you hear people chattin about Thailand and stuff and you hear about the ladyboys you think to yourself.. “Muppets.. I could spot one a mile away.”

I admit – I thought the same thing.. and for 99% of the time I was right – but this bird/man/thing came on and Jen was drooling… “SHES SO HOT!” she yelled.. and I had to agree.. I was like dude.. there’s no way she’s packing weapons under there.. so yeah – that was only ONE ladyboy out of about thirty.. but if there’s more out there like that one – then you can see why some people make the mistake… Jeez man.. talk about uncomfortable.. … … … … … … …so I got my photo with him afterwards! HAHAHA…… brilliant – I was laughin’ so hard!

So after that we went back to the suppos-ed strip club – went in.. sat down.. and lo and behold …it was just some dancin girls.. in their underwear.. we got all excited when we saw signs that said: “Ping Pong Balls – 20bht” ….no – it wasnt that.. thats what we thought it was.. it was just tips.. every time you bought one you could throw it at the girl you liked…. and she’d get a tip.. I mean.. WTF?! Crapola dudes.. so yeah – stayed there for one drink (of water) before moving on to find somewhere to dance..

Which we did.. I have no idea what it was called but we just rocked up and started dancin to whatever was playin – it was cool… danced like a maniac! lol – although saying that… you ever tried dancin’ in flip flops?! Can NOT be done.. not the way I dance anyway.. ahem… so yeah – we all danced until about half one ish.. then caught a suntao back home again – got home about 2ish.. had a shower and passed out.

Cool. Beans.

Yesterday was a good day.


Today – well so far I’ve had one detox drink, one set of pills, one colema and I think I’m due my next detox drink right about now… but yeah – I think the girls are talking about hiring some bikes and going on an island tour.. so I reckon I might tag along.. I am proper skint but I reckon I might be able to jump on the back of one of the bikes.. although saying that – I reckon I might be able to afford it – just depends how expensive/cheap the mopeds are..

So yeah – that’ s the plan for today.

Oh – saw Lauren this morning – she’s a full day out of her fast now and she’s positively glowing.. so fingers crossed I will be too.. Steve’s nearly there also.. DAY FIVE FOR ME DAMMIT! ….one good thing mind, Jen the Lesbo (aka ‘ZenJen’) is also on Day Five so I’ve finally got a fasting buddy.. and she’s a mentalist to go with it.. hehehe..

So yeah – I gotta go grab my detox drink.. then find out what the plan is..

Laters dudes.

Koh Samui – Day 4

Good evening one and all – its 1859 here and today has been a good (if a little expensive) day..

We’ll get there..

So yeah – this morning I was all set for a day on the beach (the Sun was out and everythin) but by the time I’d got my backside in gear – the skies opened and just chucked it down!

Grr! Never mind – so I sat down with this American chick called Kim – she;s 41 and doesn’t look it …at all… (Hi Kim – you owe me if you’re reading this!) ..so yeah – we had a good chat over breakfast.. well – she ate, I watched.. Kim’s been fasting for 20 days – crazy – and today she broke her fast.. so fair play to Kim. Anywhoo – we spent a good hour just comparing drunk stories – and then chatted hobbies and stuff – snowboardin’, wake/kneeboardin’ etc.. it was all good.

Anyway – the plan was to locate our friends and ask them if she fancied a walk down the beach.. but it was still raining when they turned up and then by the time we spoke to they they’d already made plans.. ah well.

So yeah – eventually the Sun came back out and as Plan A went tits up.. onto Plan B: Sunbathe! So I did my colema and afterwards I fell in with Kim and the pair of us strolled down the beach to the nicer part.. where upon we decided to sunbathe..it was cool. In fact – she’s cool. She’s a Cancer – and Cancer’s are great to talk to for Scorpios.. so yeah – we got on like a house on fire.. no attraction – a bit of cheeky flirting but that was it.. so yeah – we were like.. “Lets sunbathe!” …ten mins later.. “Lets go for a swim!” …then about 10mins after that…. “Hmm.. I wonder how much those Jetskis are to rent…!” ..so off we toddled and hired ourselves a ‘Waverunner’ each.. one of those great big sit down ones y’know?

It was awesome – I’ve never been on one before and I had SUCH a laugh….

….until we were playing chicken right.. (yes – I know – very silly – it wasn’t chicken per se – we were just buzzing along together y’know) ..so yeah – Kim was turning and didn’t realise how close she was to my Jetski.. ..and then “CRACK” her jetski rode up over mine (good job she was turning or else my head woulda come off) and broke the wing-mirror off the side of my jetski…WHOOPS!

So yeah – we’d paid 1000bht each per jetski for 40mins right.. so thats about 14quid or so – not too bad.. so we head back to the beach like a couple of kids who’ve really messed up this time… and yeah we were like:

“Sorry! Didnt meeeean tooooo!”

Hmm.. anyway – the bloke there called his boss and then that boss called his boss and eventually there were four of them studiously examining both jetskis.. they were pointing out all sorts of damage on the jetskis that no way in hell had we done.. so I wasnt getting angry or anythin’, I just knew how this was gonna go down y’know? They were gonna try and fleece us and I wasnt gonna let that happen..

So yeah – the boss man sits down and he’s like –

“ok ok ok.. wingmirror – no buy one – only buy two.. so that 6000bht.. then there fibreglass damage… that 2000bht.. then 3000bht for each boat for lost rental..(that part was on the contract that we signed before hand) total… 14,000bht”

As he was saying this he was writing it all on paper so we could see how he totted it up right.. anyway..

FYI – 14,000bht = 200quid.

Balls to that.

So I looked this bloke in the eye and said:

“Right – first off – you CAN buy singular mirrors, I’ve got a jetski at home.. and I KNOW pal..so that can be halved straight off the bat..” I crossed out his 6k and wrote 3.. then.. “Also.. that fibreglass damage could well have been already there so I we ain’t payin’ for that..” ..crossing that out as I’m saying it.. writing a big fat ZERO.. then.. “..and mate – there’s only one jetski damaged so you can half that one too..” ..I crossed his 6k out and again I wrote 3. I then totalled the lot up to 6,000bht…

The bloke next to the boss man added my two 3k’s onto my 6k and went to write 12k…

“Nah mate… six thousand baht.. no more”

“Okay…” he says..

Right – so THEN I get my wallet – and I know for a FACT that there’s no way on Earth that I bought 6k out with me..  I had about 700bhts in change, 45USD in various denominations and 20quid in two tenners..

So I said to him “You can have all that.. “

First off – I don’t think he saw the one dollar bills in my wodge of dollars – I think he just saw the ten dollar bills.. and then he saw the two tenners and a puzzled look came across his face.. “How much?” ..he said.. “Ah…” said I “..they’re about 1000bhts each..” LIE! They’re about 700 – tops.

So yeah – I did give him all the cash I had – but in the end I gave him about 3,900bht…. Three Thousand Nine Hundred… from 14,000! I think I did bloody well if I’m honest!

So yeah, did that – and walking back Kim said – “Hang on.. didnt you say that was your first time on a Jetski?” “Yeah dude.. it was..” I said, grinning.. She couldnt believe it! “Not a twitch!” Kim exclaimed! Hahaahaha.. complete poker face.. brilliant. So in the end we paid about 40quid for their loss of rental and about fifteen quid for the wing mirror..


(I am superskint now mind.. Hmmm.. have to try and sort somethin out.. )

But – to be honest – that amount ain’t too bad split between two people.. so yeah – that was just in the space of 90mins! So me and Kim came back after an exhausting and funny (and expensive) lunch date as it were…hahaha.. came back – told loads of people about it – well funny. Told these two girls who joined us and in the end the four of us went and played pool together round the corner in the bar.. that was cool too – the two girls are Canadian and I was the only Brit – very funny – the two girls were lesbisans but not together – just mates – but we were just having a laugh.. taking the mick out of each other and stuff – had a right giggle.. in fact.. I think we’re going out dancin’ later.. which should be funny! No Alcohol?!


So yeah – I’ll let you know how that goes in the morning..

( in other news – my Nintendo DS seems to have died – Dunno what to do about that )

But yeah – I gotta go grab a detox drink – I’m 30mins late for it!

So laters dudes.. til next time.

Koh Samui – Day 4

Morning all..

Its 9:38am here and I’m in a good mood.. better than I was earlier anyway – couldn’t sleep at all last night – drifted off about 3ish.. up at 7am for my detox drink.. grrr… but yeah – the sun’s just come out so I’m gonna update this and go catch some rays..

So yeah – yesterday..

So I sat down with Steve and co and walked back through the lounge area and some guy had put Amelie on the DVD player.. I walked up to the sofa and said out loud to no one in particular – “Amelie.. Wow.. I love this film..”

And this girl who was sittin’ on the sofa just looked up at me and said “Why dont you watch it with me then?”

I looked at her, she smiled and me.. I smiled back and said:

“Y’know what… I think I will..”

So I did – I nipped back to the table told the others I’d be gone for a while.. and rocked back to the sofa and sat down next to this funky chick from Brighton called Jen.. she’s cool. So yeah – we talked about the film and stuff and THEN it hit me.. I hadn’t seen Amelie in ages! In FACT – I’ve only ever seen it once.. I fell in love with it – I think its a beautiful story, beautifully told and beautifully written with a certain poeticness about it.. so yeah – I saw it at the cinema YEARS ago in Southend with my mate Natalie.. Then I remembered why I hadn’t seen it since.. I’d always tried to get my ex to watch it because I knew how much she loved film and how much she’d enjoy it and she’d always flatly refused because I’d seen it and fell in love with it with Natalie! I never bought it on DVD because I knew it’d be more trouble than it was worth and stuff and… well – it was bonkers.. It always used to get to me how my ex would deprive herself of such a wonderful piece of film-making just because I’d seen it with someone else y’know?! …at the time I kind of just let it ride but now… now I’m like – WTF?! What’s that about?! I mean Jeez… So yeah – I enjoyed watching Amelie just that little more – it was like it was meant to be y’know? I mean what OTHER film could I just happen to watch while I was here y’know?!

So yeah – it was perfect..

Throughout the film this lass and I were having a bit of a chat and stuff and then after the film had finished I leaned back and looked up at her upside down and said

“Thank you.. so much.. I doubt I would’ve watched that if you hadnt have asked me.. “

“Awww, now worries mate” she said..

“So yeah.. I feel like I should ask you out for a drink and stuff but I’m kinda fasting so I cant.. “

“Ah well..” she said.. (Jen finished her fast about a week ago)

“..and our afternoon at the cinema went so well” I said.. a bit cheekily..

“Yeah..” ..she giggled.. “I’m actually going to see MI:3 tonight if you fancy it?”

“Yeah.. sounds like a great plan – cheers dude..”

“Cool – well I’m going with a mate so meet me back here at about half eightish yeah?”

“Yeah” I said.. and it was cool – we hooked up later and had a coconut drink and stuff then got a bus/van thing down to the cinema – MI3 wasn’t on so we watched Poseidon instead.. Jen’s friend turned up but went home because she was feeling rough so it was just me and her.. and it was cool.

Had such a nice evening.. it was like being thirteen again. We just snuggled up in the cinema together.. held hands and stuff.. watched the film.. had a giggle.. then we got a couple of taxi bikes home afterwards and I walked her home (back to her hotel anyway – she’s not staying here) we had a hug and peck.. (no snogging) ..and that was it. It was great.. there was no massive pressure to take things further.. there was no massive pressure to do anything at all.. so nothing happened and I think I felt better for it.. y’know?

Part of me was happy because I wasn’t erasing the memory of my past and part of me was happy because I wasn’t rushing into my future..

The respect was there for my ex and also for this girl that I’d met like 6hrs previous..

Its like Jet said: “..protect your heart before you give it to anyone else..” ..so yeah – last night I went on a ‘date’ (I think) and it was cool.

I feel good today. Yesterday I let go of a bit more.. and I felt.. I feel better for it. I don’t think I really ever understood how much baggage I had..

I don’t think it will all drain out while I’m here but I think being here is helping me pull the plug out y’know?

So yeah..

.. there you go.


Speak soon – the Sun’s out and I’ve been here longer than I wanted to be..


Koh Samui – Day 3 Cont…

Good evening folks,

What have done today?

Well – Steve and I went into Chaweng to get some bits and bobs. I got that painting I wanted – its cool and I love it and its going in my room…

Picked up a Diesel belt for my mate Martin too – I told him I’d got one and he emailed me back almost immediately saying “DUDE! YOU GOTTA GET ME ONE!” …so I did. I’m a generous old soul I guess..  Picked my mate Caroline up some earphones too – she didnt pack any with her iPod bless her! But yeah – that was cool..

What else – Umm – I watched Amelie this afternoon.. that was nice.

I’d type up why – but this keyboard is rubbish – I’ll do it tomorrow when I can use a different PC.

Koh Samui – Day 3

Afternoon all..

Day three of my fast today.. felt the crappest I’ve felt so far this morning – just generally rundown y’know? Apparently its natural so I’m just letting it happen.. just been for a traditional Thai Massage – that was a bit mental! The crazy chick (it was Jet’s Wife – y’know Jet right?) cricked my back! I’ve NEVER had my back cricked before – it was mental!

She kinda got her hands under my arms and behind my head like in a Full Nelson (wrestling move – look it up you’ll see what I mean) then swung me back and forth or a bit then pulled me really hard and my back just went “CRRRRRRICK!” ..it was mental.. so yeah – had that – it was awesome.

What else.. I’ve had my morning Colema today – that passed without event really.. although now i’m day three some folk are suggesting that I start using the sieve.. Hmm.. A girl here called Polly (lovely she is – reminds me of my mate Frankie) heard a ‘clink’ one day during one of her Colemas.. She didnt have the stomach to look and see what it was but after that she started using her sieve… Another guy – this Aussie chap – he had an elastic band come out that he’d eaten when he wass ELEVEN! Also – why we’re on the subject of Aussies – did you know that any trip to a Spa is Tax Deductable in Australia?! Because they’re so hot on healthy living etc.. they make it tax deductable! This bloke got his bill and he was like – “Cool, I’ll give that to the accountant..” I mean.. Dude. Lucky bazza.

So yeah – I’m gonna head back into Chaweng later this arvo with my mate Steve – he wants to get a new Guitar and I want to get this painting I’ve seen – its a large version of that Hed Kandi Album Cover that I like…

Still need to get some string for that crystal that Jet gave me too..

Thats about it I think today.. Might give that Seichim a go later in the week.. its like Reiki but it uses different energies apparently – so we’ll see!

Also – while I’m on the subject, remember I said I had a massive emotional trip when I had my reiki – well its not just me! I was talking to Polly just now and she went last night and a similar experience.. so that’s cool. That’s cool because she got something good out of it and its cool because it means I’m not a complete nutcase! Hehehe…

So yeah – gonna chip now – its 1230 – gotta have my detox drink (see my schedule on Day One) and then I’m off to Chaweng..