Koh Samui – Day 6

Afternoon all..

Well being in pain certainly knackers you out a fair bit!

Jeez.. I am shattered today. My alarm went off at 7am for my first detox, I had it.. then went straight back to bed – I havent done that since being here.. jeez.

Shattered.. slept til 830, woke up. took my pills, slept til 10, woke up, detox drink… then decided to stroll down to the pharmacy to get some new bandages and stuff..

So yeah – been a slow morning.. My mate Kim crashed over last night – she checked out yesterday but didnt fancy going to Bohput til today so I said she room with me – which was cool.. but I had this felling what was going to happen.. and guess what?! It happened.

NO! NOT THAT! …Kim’s my mate dude – proper kindred spirit..

We haven’t stopped talking since we first had chat about our drunk stories a couple of days ago and I thought, ‘..if she crashes over, we’ll be up chattin all night..’ and sure enough.. we were. It was cool though.. everything from life experiences, to politics, to stories of stuff we’ve done.. and she’s pretty awesome.. it got to the point where we trying to find something to disagree on! It was funny..

Also, tres cool….

So yeah – she’s been a cool playmate over the past few days and she’s just chipped off. So take care Kimmy.. (hahaha) ..and safe travels. Speak soon dude!

That’s about it for me – the sun’s out and one of the dudes here wants me to talk about the accident so I gotta do that too..

Chat laters dudes.

PS – might go to the cinema tonight – should be cool.

Koh Samui – Day 5

Good morning one and all.. its 945am here and all is good.

So yeah – carrying on from yesterday’s post – last night Kim, Sheli, Jen (that’s them below) and I all went out in Chaweng.

I love this place..

So yeah – we caught a Suntao into Chaweng (Suntao – its like an open back van that they use like buses.. 50bht or so each to go wherever you like – just ding the bell to get off) ..and we went strolling to see what was going down groove town..

The girls SO wanted to see a Ladyboy show – I was like… “oh……..kaaaay”

Sheli decided I was going to need a ‘designated anal protector’ so the girls took it in shifts.. lol – very amusing.. but dudes.. I had SUCH a giggle..

So yeah – we get there and the show doesnt start til later, so we do a bit of shopping (picked up a few CDs.. Kim got a painting), and wander round the clubbing strip for a bit – we found (what we thought was) a strip club and again the GIRLS were well up for going in there! I was cool with anything they wanted to do – so it was decided that was where we were gonna go after the lady boys.. Heheheh..

So yeah – off we went to the lady boy show… and it was brilliant – I’d recommend everyone sees one of these just once in their lives! It was so bizarre.. Jen was just cracking up because I just had this constant look of bemusement and confusion on my face the whole time… we were really good too by the way – we didnt have one alcoholic drink.. Well.. Kim did, but she finished her fast the day before so she was allowed… (we didnt TRY and get her drunk – HONEST!)…

Yeah, ok – so… when you hear people chattin about Thailand and stuff and you hear about the ladyboys you think to yourself.. “Muppets.. I could spot one a mile away.”

I admit – I thought the same thing.. and for 99% of the time I was right – but this bird/man/thing came on and Jen was drooling… “SHES SO HOT!” she yelled.. and I had to agree.. I was like dude.. there’s no way she’s packing weapons under there.. so yeah – that was only ONE ladyboy out of about thirty.. but if there’s more out there like that one – then you can see why some people make the mistake… Jeez man.. talk about uncomfortable.. … … … … … … …so I got my photo with him afterwards! HAHAHA…… brilliant – I was laughin’ so hard!

So after that we went back to the suppos-ed strip club – went in.. sat down.. and lo and behold …it was just some dancin girls.. in their underwear.. we got all excited when we saw signs that said: “Ping Pong Balls – 20bht” ….no – it wasnt that.. thats what we thought it was.. it was just tips.. every time you bought one you could throw it at the girl you liked…. and she’d get a tip.. I mean.. WTF?! Crapola dudes.. so yeah – stayed there for one drink (of water) before moving on to find somewhere to dance..

Which we did.. I have no idea what it was called but we just rocked up and started dancin to whatever was playin – it was cool… danced like a maniac! lol – although saying that… you ever tried dancin’ in flip flops?! Can NOT be done.. not the way I dance anyway.. ahem… so yeah – we all danced until about half one ish.. then caught a suntao back home again – got home about 2ish.. had a shower and passed out.

Cool. Beans.

Yesterday was a good day.


Today – well so far I’ve had one detox drink, one set of pills, one colema and I think I’m due my next detox drink right about now… but yeah – I think the girls are talking about hiring some bikes and going on an island tour.. so I reckon I might tag along.. I am proper skint but I reckon I might be able to jump on the back of one of the bikes.. although saying that – I reckon I might be able to afford it – just depends how expensive/cheap the mopeds are..

So yeah – that’ s the plan for today.

Oh – saw Lauren this morning – she’s a full day out of her fast now and she’s positively glowing.. so fingers crossed I will be too.. Steve’s nearly there also.. DAY FIVE FOR ME DAMMIT! ….one good thing mind, Jen the Lesbo (aka ‘ZenJen’) is also on Day Five so I’ve finally got a fasting buddy.. and she’s a mentalist to go with it.. hehehe..

So yeah – I gotta go grab my detox drink.. then find out what the plan is..

Laters dudes.

Koh Samui – Day 4

Good evening one and all – its 1859 here and today has been a good (if a little expensive) day..

We’ll get there..

So yeah – this morning I was all set for a day on the beach (the Sun was out and everythin) but by the time I’d got my backside in gear – the skies opened and just chucked it down!

Grr! Never mind – so I sat down with this American chick called Kim – she;s 41 and doesn’t look it …at all… (Hi Kim – you owe me if you’re reading this!) ..so yeah – we had a good chat over breakfast.. well – she ate, I watched.. Kim’s been fasting for 20 days – crazy – and today she broke her fast.. so fair play to Kim. Anywhoo – we spent a good hour just comparing drunk stories – and then chatted hobbies and stuff – snowboardin’, wake/kneeboardin’ etc.. it was all good.

Anyway – the plan was to locate our friends and ask them if she fancied a walk down the beach.. but it was still raining when they turned up and then by the time we spoke to they they’d already made plans.. ah well.

So yeah – eventually the Sun came back out and as Plan A went tits up.. onto Plan B: Sunbathe! So I did my colema and afterwards I fell in with Kim and the pair of us strolled down the beach to the nicer part.. where upon we decided to sunbathe..it was cool. In fact – she’s cool. She’s a Cancer – and Cancer’s are great to talk to for Scorpios.. so yeah – we got on like a house on fire.. no attraction – a bit of cheeky flirting but that was it.. so yeah – we were like.. “Lets sunbathe!” …ten mins later.. “Lets go for a swim!” …then about 10mins after that…. “Hmm.. I wonder how much those Jetskis are to rent…!” ..so off we toddled and hired ourselves a ‘Waverunner’ each.. one of those great big sit down ones y’know?

It was awesome – I’ve never been on one before and I had SUCH a laugh….

….until we were playing chicken right.. (yes – I know – very silly – it wasn’t chicken per se – we were just buzzing along together y’know) ..so yeah – Kim was turning and didn’t realise how close she was to my Jetski.. ..and then “CRACK” her jetski rode up over mine (good job she was turning or else my head woulda come off) and broke the wing-mirror off the side of my jetski…WHOOPS!

So yeah – we’d paid 1000bht each per jetski for 40mins right.. so thats about 14quid or so – not too bad.. so we head back to the beach like a couple of kids who’ve really messed up this time… and yeah we were like:

“Sorry! Didnt meeeean tooooo!”

Hmm.. anyway – the bloke there called his boss and then that boss called his boss and eventually there were four of them studiously examining both jetskis.. they were pointing out all sorts of damage on the jetskis that no way in hell had we done.. so I wasnt getting angry or anythin’, I just knew how this was gonna go down y’know? They were gonna try and fleece us and I wasnt gonna let that happen..

So yeah – the boss man sits down and he’s like –

“ok ok ok.. wingmirror – no buy one – only buy two.. so that 6000bht.. then there fibreglass damage… that 2000bht.. then 3000bht for each boat for lost rental..(that part was on the contract that we signed before hand) total… 14,000bht”

As he was saying this he was writing it all on paper so we could see how he totted it up right.. anyway..

FYI – 14,000bht = 200quid.

Balls to that.

So I looked this bloke in the eye and said:

“Right – first off – you CAN buy singular mirrors, I’ve got a jetski at home.. and I KNOW pal..so that can be halved straight off the bat..” I crossed out his 6k and wrote 3.. then.. “Also.. that fibreglass damage could well have been already there so I we ain’t payin’ for that..” ..crossing that out as I’m saying it.. writing a big fat ZERO.. then.. “..and mate – there’s only one jetski damaged so you can half that one too..” ..I crossed his 6k out and again I wrote 3. I then totalled the lot up to 6,000bht…

The bloke next to the boss man added my two 3k’s onto my 6k and went to write 12k…

“Nah mate… six thousand baht.. no more”

“Okay…” he says..

Right – so THEN I get my wallet – and I know for a FACT that there’s no way on Earth that I bought 6k out with me..  I had about 700bhts in change, 45USD in various denominations and 20quid in two tenners..

So I said to him “You can have all that.. “

First off – I don’t think he saw the one dollar bills in my wodge of dollars – I think he just saw the ten dollar bills.. and then he saw the two tenners and a puzzled look came across his face.. “How much?” ..he said.. “Ah…” said I “..they’re about 1000bhts each..” LIE! They’re about 700 – tops.

So yeah – I did give him all the cash I had – but in the end I gave him about 3,900bht…. Three Thousand Nine Hundred… from 14,000! I think I did bloody well if I’m honest!

So yeah, did that – and walking back Kim said – “Hang on.. didnt you say that was your first time on a Jetski?” “Yeah dude.. it was..” I said, grinning.. She couldnt believe it! “Not a twitch!” Kim exclaimed! Hahaahaha.. complete poker face.. brilliant. So in the end we paid about 40quid for their loss of rental and about fifteen quid for the wing mirror..


(I am superskint now mind.. Hmmm.. have to try and sort somethin out.. )

But – to be honest – that amount ain’t too bad split between two people.. so yeah – that was just in the space of 90mins! So me and Kim came back after an exhausting and funny (and expensive) lunch date as it were…hahaha.. came back – told loads of people about it – well funny. Told these two girls who joined us and in the end the four of us went and played pool together round the corner in the bar.. that was cool too – the two girls are Canadian and I was the only Brit – very funny – the two girls were lesbisans but not together – just mates – but we were just having a laugh.. taking the mick out of each other and stuff – had a right giggle.. in fact.. I think we’re going out dancin’ later.. which should be funny! No Alcohol?!


So yeah – I’ll let you know how that goes in the morning..

( in other news – my Nintendo DS seems to have died – Dunno what to do about that )

But yeah – I gotta go grab a detox drink – I’m 30mins late for it!

So laters dudes.. til next time.

Koh Samui – Day 3

Afternoon all..

Day three of my fast today.. felt the crappest I’ve felt so far this morning – just generally rundown y’know? Apparently its natural so I’m just letting it happen.. just been for a traditional Thai Massage – that was a bit mental! The crazy chick (it was Jet’s Wife – y’know Jet right?) cricked my back! I’ve NEVER had my back cricked before – it was mental!

She kinda got her hands under my arms and behind my head like in a Full Nelson (wrestling move – look it up you’ll see what I mean) then swung me back and forth or a bit then pulled me really hard and my back just went “CRRRRRRICK!” ..it was mental.. so yeah – had that – it was awesome.

What else.. I’ve had my morning Colema today – that passed without event really.. although now i’m day three some folk are suggesting that I start using the sieve.. Hmm.. A girl here called Polly (lovely she is – reminds me of my mate Frankie) heard a ‘clink’ one day during one of her Colemas.. She didnt have the stomach to look and see what it was but after that she started using her sieve… Another guy – this Aussie chap – he had an elastic band come out that he’d eaten when he wass ELEVEN! Also – why we’re on the subject of Aussies – did you know that any trip to a Spa is Tax Deductable in Australia?! Because they’re so hot on healthy living etc.. they make it tax deductable! This bloke got his bill and he was like – “Cool, I’ll give that to the accountant..” I mean.. Dude. Lucky bazza.

So yeah – I’m gonna head back into Chaweng later this arvo with my mate Steve – he wants to get a new Guitar and I want to get this painting I’ve seen – its a large version of that Hed Kandi Album Cover that I like…

Still need to get some string for that crystal that Jet gave me too..

Thats about it I think today.. Might give that Seichim a go later in the week.. its like Reiki but it uses different energies apparently – so we’ll see!

Also – while I’m on the subject, remember I said I had a massive emotional trip when I had my reiki – well its not just me! I was talking to Polly just now and she went last night and a similar experience.. so that’s cool. That’s cool because she got something good out of it and its cool because it means I’m not a complete nutcase! Hehehe…

So yeah – gonna chip now – its 1230 – gotta have my detox drink (see my schedule on Day One) and then I’m off to Chaweng..


Koh Samui – Day 2 Cont…


Not much else to report this afternoon/evening – ( its 1823 here ) – just finished Colema numero tres.. It werent too bad. Its still odd.. But yeah.. there ya go.

Today I went into Lamai town to go shopping with Lauren & Zoe.. Those two and my mate Steve are kind like the little gang I’ve fallen into – the only problem is they’re a few days ahead of me on the fasting front so yesterday and today I had to watch Zoe eat a super huge Salad! I was drooling at the thought! Dammit..

Anywhoo – I digress… So yeah, went into town, did a little shopping.. got something nice for my little bro.. went round a few of the tattoo places to see if I could see something I liked but nah.. couldnt. Hmm..

Think I’m gonna get it done when I get home. I want a something that symbolises rebirth and/or renewal y’know?  A new me.. So yeah – I WAS thinking about getting a Pheonix on the small of my back or something but I’m still not sure – I reckon I’m gonna rock down to Silver Needles on Southend Seafront and see what they can do for me -I’ll probably pay a LOT more but I think I’ll trust them more y’know?

What else did I do today.. I picked up my crystal from Jet – that was cool. He’s given me a Jade Heart Crystal to wear around my neck.. need to get some rope for it now..

So yeah – went shopping with the girls.. came back along the beach – that was nice.. actually had some sun today! Wow.. its just been overcast and rainy most of the time I’ve been here – fingers crossed it’ll cheer up soon..


Chat soon – tomorrow no doubt.


Koh Samui – Day 2

Good morning one and all,

Its 10:10 in Koh Samui and I’ve just had colema number two. More on that later..

Lets start from where I left off…

Yesterday after I posted I went into the restaurant – had some veggie broth and met some more people.. this one lass, Claudine, was talking about this bloke round the corner called Jet.. (awesome, I know) ..who does Reiki..

So I was listenin away and I was like – “I’m doing that”

I rocked up to Jet’s place and he was like come back at 7pm – so i did.


First off: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki Thats what Reiki is.

At first I didnt feel anything – nothing at all – my mind was all over the place.. couldnt concentrate y’know… but then – once he moved onto my arms and my hands i slipped into it – started concentrating on where he was touching me… and at one point.. he had both my hands on my tummy with both of his hands on top of them and it was like he was saying “Its ok.. let go of the pain..” ..and I could feel myself welling up.. The emotion was so raw and so close to the surface.. and yet i didnt break.. it was there though – felt like he unerstood my pain y’know? My upset..

This went on for about an hour.. not the moment.. the reiki. The Moment only lasted about 5-10 mins tops.. but yeah.. afterwards he said to me “Your heart is weak..” and I was like.. “what? do I have a heart murmur or somethin?!” … “No no no..” he said “..your heart is damaged. I dont know how.. male, female.. someone die? Relationship.. yes, relationship. Your heart is weak now and you need to protect it and let it mend before you give it to anyone else.. ”

Oh my god. I nearly burst into tears there and then.

That was so emotional.. he’s getting me a protective crystal to wear – gotta go back and see him soon.. probably gonna have one more session before I come home – see if I’ve made any progress y’know?

So yeah.. thats one giant step for me emotionally. Really feel like I’ve started to let go now.. Proper nudge in the right direction.


What else – well this mornin my friend Zoe made me weigh myself and I really didnt want to know yet.. but they (my other mates) all insisted.. so I did. I was about 14st before I started my pre-cleanse two weeks ago.. and now? ..now I’m 12st 10. I’ve lost loads!


This morning I managed to get up on time so I didnt miss any of the treatments – which was good! ..after that I went to the 7:30 meditation session.. that was weird.. had a proper moment then too – it was odd – “Active Meditation” they call it.. Lots of movement – I couldnt handle it. I was there for about 45mins but then it got too much for me.. I had to leave.. Chillout – I broke into a sweat and then my hearing went.. it was crazy. Lauren (this other, actually quite cool, girl I’ve met) reckons maybe I’m trying too much too soon – I took a large step yesterday and maybe I need to rest a bit before I try another.. I think she has a point.


So I had my second colema this morning – that wasnt half a odd as the first one.. but yeah – its not painful – its quiet cleansing – you feel light afterwards y’know? I’m into the whole massaging of the colon bit now… you kind of let the water in a bit.. then massage it about a bit – then let more in.. repeat massage then let it out.. odd – but it makes sense when you do it – trust me!

yeah – so that was ok..

What now..

Um.. I’m gonna log off and go see whats going down. Steve knows a bit of palmistry and said he would read my palms in a bit – so that should be cool.

Also Lauren has gone to tryout this kind of Egyptian Reiki called Sekhem – thats with Jet too – so i’ll find out what thats like and come back to ya – maybe give it a go myself!


Catch ya later folks.

Thanks for listenin’/readin’.

Koh Samui – Day One Cont…

Afternoon all,

Its 17:33 here and I just had my first Colema!

What an experience that was.

This american guy explained it all to us before hand and then he set one up as a demo (thank the Lord he used my room – i didn’t have to set it up).
Basically – you hang this bucket on a hook and with a tube coming out of it. In the bucket is coffee, water and vinegar – guess where the other end of the tube goes.. Yup. In there. They give you your own KY and everythin’.. Hmm Hmmmmmmmmm!

Anywhoo – the first one is apparently quite traumatic as it’s ‘real proper poo’ as some girl described it to me… and seriously – EVERYONE talks about their poo here – its hilarious..

But it wasn’t so bad – Just laid back and listened to some MP3s.. (Ministry of Sound – Chillout, if you were wondering)

Think I did it right..

So yeah – I took some footage afterwards (after I’d cleaned up) and tomorrow I’ll get some before hand too so you can see what I have to do..
Then I’ll see if I can upload it on here – I know you’re all DYING to see it!


On the regimented strict regime side of things.. its cool –

The detox drinks can be made up to take away with you.. and the supplements are given to you first thing so you carry those around with you all day.

Me and and this bloke I’ve met, Steve, got a cab into Chaweng earlier – did a bit of shopping.. got me a cool Diesel belt which does up like an old school airline belt.. its wicked.. that was like three quid..
..Got a new Diesel bag too – my other stripey one got torn on my through
Heathrow.. I’m gettin the hang of this barterin malarky too – I got quoted 1800BHT for my bag and I got her down to 850!


Yeah.. Got some flowery soapy things for the ladies in my life as gifts and also… last…. but NOT least..


But clever old me remembered that SPs share the same charger as a DS.
So I got me an SP charger for like two quid.
My DS is charging as we speak.

Tomorrow – I’ll be playing Metroid while having my sphincter cleaned.

I bet there’s not many people who’s said that before!


Anyway – must dash – there’s some veggie broth and coconut milk over there with my name on..

Speak soon..

( oh and there’s a TV room thats currently showing ‘Corpse Bride’ behind me – apparently they show reruns of ‘Celebrity Detox’ too – which was filmed here! Dunno if you know it – had Kim Wilde and Richard Blackwood on it – but yeah – that’s the place… )