Christmas on Canvey

Believe it or not – I am.. in fact.. originally.. from Essex.

An Essex Boy in fact.

I like to think I hide this little known (well – not any more) very well.

What with the accent only creeping out on occasion and only slipping back into my native tongue whenever I cross the border…

Not many people seem to pick up on it.

All this aside – it is actually nice to get home every now and then.

As much as I could never live back in Essex ever again – (or to be more precise; back on Canvey Island in Essex), I do have a few, very dear friends who still live there.. and along with some of my family – they always give me an excuse to head home.

I moan and bitch about the place but secretly, I actually love it.

There’s no train station, (you have to get a train to Benfleet then get a bus/cab/lift onto the Island itself), there’s one cinema, one McDonalds, three schools and a lake…
It’s in the Thames Estuary (just before Southend) so therefore people speak with the ‘Estuary English’ twang – aka ‘The Essex Accent’ – the place has it’s ups and downs and it ain’t perfect but I guess it’ll always be home.

One thing I tend to do whenever I go home is take a walk along the sea wall – if the tide is in I’ll walk out into the sea along the old sea wall and stand in the middle of it. It’s one of the most calming things in the world a is one of my ‘secret places’. The place where, when things are stressing me out and the world is feeling heavy on my shoulders, I can just go and be.

Stand. Breathe. Take it all in. Y’know? Let everything go out into the big blue.. (or grey/brown).

Christmas has been good so far. Caught up with my best friend.. I call him my best friend.. he’s more like my Brother to be honest. My brother from another Mother if you will… But yeah – saw him, his family. Saw my family too. Still at my Mum’s at the time of typing – heading back tomorrow. Drunken Boxing Day Karaoke to tackle first!


Cannae wait to get back to sunny Teddington… I don’t have many friends back here at ‘home’.

I’m reminded, as I write, that it may well have been a contributing factor as to why I moved away in the first place… Which is fine – I know who my friends are and I love them very much.

There just isn’t a large collection of them on Canvey.

Canvey Island

So I’ve just got back from a weekend in Essex on the the beautiful, (no really), Isle of Canvey.

I caught up with some old friends, played some Wii, laughed a hell of a lot and drank a fair bit of wine too!
I know 99% of my readers have never been to Canvey before so I’ve taken the liberty of uploading some photos of the ‘idyllic’ seafront along with the ‘picturesque’ sandy beaches..

All taken with my trusty N95 too!

Once this is uploaded i’ll get to work a little post entitled –

The Mobile Geeks of London

(which I was supposed to write last week!)

But for now… Boats and Beaches!

Things that have made me laugh recently…

Good evening everyone..
A bit of a cop out I know – but I’ve been SUCH a busy boy lately my blogging skills have suffered..

For this – I am truly sorry.

PhotobucketBut in the meantime – here are something that have made me laugh!

First up!

Me, in my ridiculously tiny sunglasses —->

I’m actually thinking about taking them back and getting some bigger ones..
They just don’t seem big enough.. y’know?


I have a friend called Vicky. She is lovely.
Beautiful, funny, intelligent, witty.. everso caring and considerate but also a teeny bit bonkers..
(which is probably why I love her like I do)…

Anywhoo – I stayed there a while back and in the morning she had to do her nails (as women do)…
So – I’m minding my own business and Vicky starts talking about her ‘monkey’.

“Your what?”

“I need my monkey to dry my nails…”


Next thing I know out pops this thing:



You put your fingers on the Monkey’s ‘nanas and he blows air over your nails for you!
I don’t know why, but I found this absolutely hilarious.

Vicky just giggled away with me.. but it was just SO random..
Hahaha – I’m still smiling about it now.



This is my friend Will.
Trying to use his new BBQ.


I think that’s all I need to say in regards to that one!

PhotobucketIn other news..
Here’s a picture of me and Alex’s Giant Ring —- >

I love Alex’s Ring.
Alex’s Ring loves me.
We were meant to be.
Don’t you think?

I don’t know why that pic is yellow.
But it is.
Maybe it’s leaking from my hair…
Who knows?

Moving on…

I saw this at my Mum’s house the other weekend.


Apparently its a Duster… I just laughed so hard when I saw it.


That very same weekend – while I was visiting friends and family on the Isle of Canvey I nipped round to see my mate Tony..
He asked me if I like his dishwasher…


He then burst into fits of laughter..
As did I.
Who buys a dishwasher TO KEEP FOOD IN?!


Remember me in my *super-cool* Sunny-G’s?


– because they are SO super-cool

…whenever I produce them, people just want to try them on!

So here – for your delectation – is a selection of random people wearing my sunglasses…


James, Anthony, Alex, Mark, Jim, Basti, Alio (feat. Jess) and Rich…

…I salute you all!
Every single one of you!

Right then..
A couple more then I really must chip off to bed…

This is my mate Flashy blatantly abusing the law…


..and while we’re on the subject of Flashy..

This is my friend Alio.
She’s a good girl.
But sometimes she likes to be silly in the middle of very important meetings


..but, when not posing alongside Flashy’s backside, Ali Bongo likes hiding under blankets, drinking strawberry cider, listening to all sorts of ker-razy music and generally having fun taking amusing photos of herself, and others.
Check out her myspace in fact.. you’ll see what I mean!

..and I *think* ..that’s everything.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Quick update Lifewise:

I’m having a great time still..!

Been out clubbing not as much – but still having fun…

Kind of seeing someone at the moment – that’s all cool.
(and I think she’s probably going to read this so I can’t really go into TOO much detail – wink wink – nudge nudge – you know who you are)

Still working bloody hard.
Still loving my job.

If you’re still not sure about what I do –

“..simply text ‘Mobi Daily’ to 63333 for your FREE download…”

Then you’ll see..

Advert over..
..well – nearly:

Very soon – thanks to the lovely intelligent people at Mobizines – you’ll be able to read my blog ON YOUR MOBILE!


Errr… yes – where was I?

Had a great night clubbing at the weekend with one of my new best mates Liv (she’s my hairdresser too – she’s wicked) – her fella runs this night at Isha in Kingston on the last Saturday of every month called Sugafem.
Playing some wicked funky house and some sexy dirty classics..

Lovin’ it…
Ended up going back to some dudes house where he had some decks – mixin’ it up styleeee…

I’m STILL rehearsing too by the way!
Five weeks now until Our Country’s Good goes up.
Looking forward to that – made some real proper progress with my character..
Most of my main scenes are one on one with another bloke, so the rest of the cast hasn’t really seen what I’m doing with it yet.. but I’m looking forward to showing him off as it were – I’m aiming for something a bit edgy.. a bit.. intimidating y’know?
(I’m playing Ketch Freeman if you know the play at all)

But yeah – the Director, Jess – has really kind of encouraged me to explore this (what seemed at first to be a small) role.. and has given me some great direction.
Got a real good working relationship there.. proper director/actor respect y’know?
I’m really happy with it… …all I’ve gotta do now is get off book!


This month also sees the start of rehearsals for The Nativity too.
I think I’ve got my first call this Sunday – so fingers crossed for that one.
I’m really looking forward to working on this – the Director has got quite a good vision it seems and there’s an energy about him that reminds me of a good friend of mine.. so yeah – should be good.

The weekend also gave cause for a celebration too!
One of my closest friends, Natalie, managed to drag herself out of the horrid clutches of all things Essex and moved herself (and her lovely li’l sis, Squiffy) to sunny Surbiton!
Which.. for those of you who DONT know.. is about 30mins on the bus from here!
WHICH.. for those of you who dont know.. is SO much better than 2hrs on the train from here!
So – big HOORAH for Nats!
(I’ll come visit you soon darlin’ – when you’re all settled in like)


I always intend to write such short blogs – but it never happens!

Ok – quick wrap up…

Thanks for reading!
Things to do for next time…

I must email Sarah Bennett.
I must call Victoria Jackson.
I must text Selina Forrest.
I must hug Ali Bongo.

Laters Potatas!

PS – I’m a bit of a cheat – I’ve done two of those things already..
Ah well!

Hehe.. ’til next time true believers..

Yup – its been ages I know

My life in as little words and as many pics as poss.. ya ready?!

Here we go!

Last time we spoke I had spent the weekend in Canvey mildly drunk.
Here I am. Mildly drunk.

I went back to work after all that time off..
..and I went in thinking it was gonna be sunny..

But.. it wasnt:

It was rainin’..
Ah well..

That week it was Jobber’s birthday – we went to the pub:
Jobber and his mate Wing (more on him later), outside the pub…

He’s a good bloke our Jobs… that’s him on the right.
Gonna miss him from the Mail.. admittedly probably JUST him.

Moving on..

The weekend after that: England got knocked out of the World Cup.
It might’ve been the weekend before –
I really cant remember –
My days are swirling together through a mist of champagne and white wine..
Either way – Boooo.. England went out.
We don’t talk about who won it or whatever because nobody cares.
In all seriousness this World Cup will go down as the Cup of Cheats as SO many teams employed under-hand techniques on their road to the finals..



I watched our last game with my mate Jim.
..and here we are:

We are drunk.

..and don’t ask about the sombreros.
I have no idea.

The following day I went to my see friends Roger and Aidan..
They live in this proper nice penthouse apartment overlooking Clapham Common..
The lifts are a bit old and scary mind..
Here I am, in a lift, a bit scared:

So yeah – that was cool.. the corridors are bit ‘Overlook Hotel’ too..
I keep expecting to see a kid on a tricycle screaming “Redrum.. Redrum..” at me… ahem.

But yeah – had a g-r-r-reat time. Roger did some fantastic food.
They’d been down to the farmer’s market in Balham that morning and got some lush veg..
..and we spent the rest of the day yelling obscenities to passers by..
(that was actually the most puerile fun I’ve had in ages – hehe)

Ooo oo oo!
I forgot!

The Friday before that..
My friend Vicky took me out to the ‘Che’ Exhibition at the V&A Museum.
The V&A:

It was SO cool… They had a big celebration of all things Cuban and there was food and dancing and Mojitos… oh how we love Mojitos…
I don’t know much about Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara..
Here he is:

Or in fact I should now say.. I didnt know much about him.
The exhibition was wicked – REALLY interesting man..
The guy’s a legend and it’s amazing how his image has grown in the way it has considering this pic was a complete fluke..
Amazing stuff.
So yeah – Vicky took me out to dinner afterwards to a place called The Priory in Olympia.
It was lush and we had SUCH a nice evening just chattin’ y’know?
Was cool.
Tors – if you’re readin’ this – I owe ya!

Anywhoo – where was I?
That’s right Sunday at Roger and Aidan’s.
That was cool – called a few people a few names and then went on my merry way home..

Monday – back to work.

But – It was the final leg of my three year stint at the Mail.
The week kind of happened without incident…
Well – aside from The Wing (remember him?) wearing this disgusting shirt…

Talk about Ocular Rapage.
(and yes – that’s Jobber again.. WORKING! Shock Horror!)

THIS is how you look good at work:

Urinals and all.. lol

Anyway… My last week at work..!

It was cool..
Unsurprisingly I got hammered on my last day.. about two bottles of red wine at lunch.
Probably the best part of a bottle of champagne in the afternoon and then..
God knows how much white wine at the pub afterwards..

But yeah – these are my girls:

Christina, Laura and Louisa… lovely they all are too.
See ya girls – nice workin’ with ya.. Bless ’em.

Apparently they were at my leaving drinks..
But I REALLY dont remember…
Apparently I may’ve embarrassed a few people – I’m sure I’ll hear about it all eventually.. lol

Ah well…


What I do remember (and this would be pretty damn hard to forget) is what my lot bought me for a leaving present..
Check it out!

A nice shiny shiny Nintendo DS Lite.. “Ooooooooooo…”

Yeah man! Awesome –
I am proper impressed..

Anywhoo… my mate Laws came over that night.
Came to my party and everything – it was cool.
She’s a good girl she is – helped me get home!
(dont remember that either – apparently I made us get on the wrong tube but I dont believe her – you hear that Laws?! You tell fibs woman!)

So yeah – the following day my mate Martin threw me a champagne breakfast picnic on Twickenham Green.. it was brill.
Me, Laws, Roger, Aidan, Martin and his girlfriend Lyddy all went…
Here we all are:

Laws & Martin, Martin & Lydia,
Lydia & Adian, Aidan & Roger,
Roger & Me, Me & ….a big church!

But yeah.. the picnic was wicked – Martin made all the food himself and we got hammered… again! I think I didnt really have a hangover per se.. I just carried on drinking from the previous night.. lol
Anywhoo – so we’re all sittin there and Martin says:

“Dudes! Check it out! Pac-Man!”

We had a bit of a chuckle about that.. but THEN.. Martin says:

“Weergh! Those poor ghosts! No wonder those f**kers run! Look at him from the front!”

I laughed so hard… Hahaha.. One of the funniest dudes I know, is Martin.
Love him to bits..

So yeah – after our AMAZING picnic:

Laws and I headed back to Canvey to catch with friends and family.
It was all good.

Had a wicked night on the Isle of Canvey then headed back to Sunny Twickenham..
(not much of a story there I know – but I was out of it and I really dont remember much)

Back in Twix – I thought i’d get an early night..
Right up until I decided to move my room around…
You ever get that?!

Just me then..

Ach well..
At least I have a proper cool desk now:

Yes true believers – that is where yours truly sits when he is recounting his stories to you…

Nice huh?
I think so.. makes life online a lot more enjoyable..

Moving on…

Started at my new job Monday.
All good.

I now work for a company called Refresh Mobile –

They make things called Mobizines –

Its absolutely wicked.
I love it.

The hours are longer – but to be honest – I only noticed that on the first day when I didnt really know what I was doing.. since then – its been cool.
Non-stop. In fact im doin more hours than I should be…
I love it…

Today is Thursday.
Well – its now Friday because its gone midnight – started this blog ages ago.

I’m shattered….


PS – Ooo! Check this out!
Its Me and Martin!
Aidan did it for us..

How cool is THAT?!

I love it..
In fact – you can tell I love it because i’ve got a printed copy of it above my desk…

My friend Naomi (we call her Roger – she’s Aidan’s girlfriend) says we look like some kind of twisted parallel universe version of Miami Vice..



Afternoon all..

Well.. its been ages since my last ‘proper’ update I know.. so..
Let’s address that shall we?!

Ok.. so last time we spoke I’d just got to Gibraltar.

Did I mention all about that?

*goes back and checks previous blogs*

Right.. you get the basic gist of the whole ‘last minute trip’ thing?
Basically – I had an inkling that I might be going but it wasn’t confirmed to me until about 7pm on the Wednesday evening!
So I packed super sharpish and then the following day I (phoned in sick at work – bad man I know) then jumped on a train to Gatwick!

I must admit I was chuckling to myself a bit on the flight over – it was just SO random! 24hrs previously if you’d have asked me what will I be doing this time tomorrow.. “Err.. working!” ..would’ve been the response!

Ah well. But yeah – it was a surprise for my Dad. As I mentioned previously – I havent spent Father’s Day with him in about 20yrs.. He left when I was everso young see.. there’s a whole different blog you could dedicate to dealing with that whole thing, so I’m not gonna even try and go into it here.
My Dad left, he now lives in Gibraltar. Thats it. Not gonna bother with the rest.

So yeah – it was cool – as I said – I was going to go and see my Dad – but as ever, whenever I’m over there – I spend all my time with my l’il bro.

He is UBER cool.

(excuse to post another pic? oh go on then)

Yup. That’s my bro.

Anywhoo – yeah – so my weekend was cool. Had some good chats with my Dad. Been needing to see him of late considering the amound of crap I’ve been through and stuff y’know?
But yeah… it was nice to hang out.
I was always sleep so much more there y’know? Just kick back and properly relax.. its cool.

It’s always slightly hard being at my Dad’s. He’s got a few issues..
Erm.. long story short: About 10yrs ago or so an Acrow Prop fell about 20ft and embedded itself into his head.. all very nasty. But yeah – no immediate problems – still alive etc – but after a while.. a few memory issues revealed themselves.
Think ‘Memento’ but not as intense.
My Dad lost a large chunk of his long term memory but also his short term memory took a beating too.. so you can talk to him and then mid-sentence he’ll just forget what he’s talking about.. which is ok – you can nudge him and he might remember.. but he just forgets stuff.
Anyway – thats hard – on top of that he cant really think straight a lot of the time and gets quite paranoid.. its quite hard to deal with.
I got a bit upset while I was over there.. I’ll tell ya why..

Sometimes its hard. I like going to see my family in Gibraltar y’know but I can’t really deal with being there for a long time.. and on the Saturday it was already beginning to get to me… and then I feel worse because here I am in Gibraltar, seeing my Dad and my Brother and I want to come home! I mean how selfish do I want to be?!

So yeah – I got a bit upset.. so I had a moan to my mate Ash who, in all fairness to him, gave me a right kick up the backside. I stopped moping about and just enjoyed being there y’know?

My Dad’s cool. I do like talking to him and my brother’s wicked too.
In fact – here they are!

So yeah –
I had a good time in Gib. It had its ups and downs but there were more ups. Definitely.

So yeah – got home from Gibraltar last Sunday evening..

Monday: Went to work – all good. Monday night my friend Susan came over and cooked dinner for us which was nice – havent seen her in a while and we had a good natter..
(Thai Red Curry – with that thai-paste I bought that day in Tescos ZenJen!)
..AND we finished off two bottles of wine – whoopsee! Hahaha..
Anyway – yeah – that was cool.. walked Susan home and came back and crashed out..

Tuesday: I woke up – felt a bit rough.. decided to blow work out.
Yep. I know – poof. A little bit of wine and I go sick with a hangover..
Well NO – it wasnt like that.. I just fancied chilling out so THERE.
Tuesday night I went to me mate Mickey’s house and watched the England go through to the last 16 of the World Cup by winning their group against Sweden. That was also tres cool.. and yet again.. I drank a bottle of wine.

Wednesday: woke up.. felt a bit rough.. (you can see where this is going already cant you) ..blew work out! Hahah..
Wednesday was a nice sunny day if I recall correctly so I did all my washing that day yeah – good domesticated young lad that I am. :o)
Cant remember what I did Wednesday night now.. Hmmm.. Ah well.

Thursday: Took the day off AGAIN, (you know I hate my job right?)
Again – cant really remember exactly what I did with my day.. I THINK it involved sunbathing and stuff but anything after that is a bit vague..
Thursday night I had Drama Workshop over in Surbiton. That was cool.
There was LOADS of us – best turnout yet. Had a great laugh and went for a drink afterwards too.. :o)

Friday: Well. If you’re gonna take Thursday off you may as well take the Friday too! Hehehe.. Friday I got up, chilled out, packed my bags (you’ll see why) and went and met my mate Jobs for lunch at Liverpool Street.

Here we are:

We were a bit hammered at that point.. because..
I say ‘lunch’.. there wasn’t really any eating involved.. just drinking. So yeah.. It was a beautiful afternoon so we spent about four hours drinking wine in the city.. got shedded. Was WELL funny. I was heading down to Essex afterwards to hang out with some of my friends there.. God knows how I made it back!
I know that I decided to try and find Fenchurch St station at some point.. and then the next thing I remember I was on Canvey Island.. so I must’ve made it on my own somehow! Hahaha..
That was cool.. Got back to Canvey, nipped home, dropped my bag off and then rocked on round to my best mate Tony’s.

Me and the Sensei had a nice evenin’ drinkin’ and catchin’ up.. all good.
Although.. I got THAT hammered I ended up crashin’ at Tony’s and I NEVER crash at Tony’s. I always walk home y’know? But yeah.. I was TRASHED. Hahaha.. never mind.

Saturday: I woke up at about 7am ish. Dragged my sorry ass back to me Mum’s. My Mum by the way is currently in Cyprus – so I had the house to myself. Which was coooooool as. My own little pad y’know?
So yeah – Saturday, go home, shower, change, go and see my gay uncle down at the Barber’s.
Don’t Ask.

Then took a walk round town – bumped into my mate Zoe – that was cool. Had a really good chat with her.. she’s an old friend of mine… and if I hadn’t already written an absolute marathon blog post I’d probably go into what we talked about – maybe another day. A few of you already know.. I’ll leave it at that for now.. 😉
So yeah – Saturday night went back round Tony’s, got drunk again.. managed to make it home on my own this time though – so I wasnt THAT bad! Hahah..

Sunday: Woke up on the sofa in me Mum’s front room. Mental. Stayed there the whole weekend and not once did I crash on the bed. Numpty.. although.. saying that.. my Mum’s sofa is SO comfy..
I digress…
Sunday – got up, cut the grass (I’m a good boy) and then my mate Laws came over for a moan about all the men in her life – hahah – so that was quite funny. She’s just out of the otherside of a nasty breakup is Laws and we always have a good chat. Sharing advice etc.. y’know.. anyway – Laws left and Bodge turned up.. Me and Bodge grabbed Tony and Big Dave and we went for a kickabout before the footy.. Nice.. s’been YEARS since we did anything like that – had a right laugh.
Went back to mine (well – me Mum’s) afterwards and watched the England make it through to the World Cup Quarter Finals by beating Ecuador 1-0 thanks to a sublime David Beckham free kick..
We got Pizza.. . (thats officially the most un-healthiest thing I’ve eaten since arriving home from Thailand) ..and got on the beers (again) and then everyone left so I could pack up and head back to Twickenham.

Slight problem with that.. I’m bat-faced.
..and the last thing I wanna do is spend 2hrs on Sunday trains dragging myself back to Twickers. So I slacked it off… with the intention to get up early this morning and then go to work from Canvey..
Obviously that didn’t happen..

I am back in Twickenham NOW.
But I’m not at work.. I WILL go back tomorrow.. I WILL!


Anyway – I’ve had a great weekend.
I’ve hardly spent any money ( i dont have any! )
In general…
Life is pretty good…

I’ve got a new job starting soon…

I’ve got some great friends… (you know who you are)
..and some crackin’ mates. (so do you)
So yes..

Ladies & Gentlemen – I am a very lucky man and I am enjoying my life.
Thank you.

Next time I won’t leave it so long – I promise.