The Five Projections of Love

Earlier on this evening I was kicking around on Jaiku when I came across this entry by my good friend Ricky Cadden, he of Symbian-Guru fame.

If you can’t be bothered to click through I’ll summarise:

On the move..

Ricky has just recently got engaged right and that’s all good.
He’s a very happy chappy indeed.

So his jaiku says that tonight he is organising ‘date night’.

And it *really* made me smile —->


Well this is something that he and his affianced decided would be something they do once a month, every month, whether they can afford it or not, for the rest of their lives.

And it certainly gets my vote as a relationship winner.

This kind of stuff properly warms my heart.

So I mentioned to Ricky that it was a great idea and that I’d be adding this to ‘my list’.

That is, my list of love philosophies: Little guidelines and helpful tips to make sure that the relationship that you find yourself in is loving, caring and consistent.

I replied to the Jaiku that Ricky had inspired me to blog and lo and behold, here I am.
(We’ll conveniently forget all the other things I promised in my last post huh?)

And what nugget of information am I sharing? Well – a philosophy that is very dear to my heart – that was told to me by a very close friend of mine not soon after my Wife and I went our separate ways –
(and if you didn’t know that then there’s probably more stuff you didn’t know about me)

Today I give you…

The Five Projections of Love

The five projections of love are touch, time, words, actions and presents.

Every single act of love can be defined by one of the above.
We all like all five, all of us do… in varying ways.

But on average, we each tend to favour two or three over the others… on average.

Now, the thing about our favourite ways of projecting our love is that they also double up as our favourite ways of receiving love.

In that – If I give you something, like a watch or something, as a thank you for something or whatever, then that is me demonstrating my love for/to you.
That being the case, then the best way to speak to my heart, to show me love, would be to get me a present in return. That’s just in this example…

Another example I can give is from a former relationship –

…and this is something I rarely talk about in my blogs, (relationships etc), but, in an effort to make this stuff more personal and to also add a bit more clarity to what I’m talking about, I’ll carry on regardless…

In a previous relationship my ex would for instance:

Cancel her plans for the evening, get home from work early and clean the house – all through her love for me.
That is the best way she knows how to show her love. Why should she show it any different? That’s what being loved is to her…

Me on the other hand?
I wouldn’t rush home early, instead I would go shopping to buy her something nice to bring home and then when I’d home all I’d want to do was hug this person that I’d missed so much throughout the day.

Four completely different projections of love there. I was blind to hers and she may well have been blind to mine.

I’m not saying that that is what ended the relationship – not by a long shot – but when starting something new, or meeting someone new or even if you’re in a relationship right now, old or otherwise, albeit with a friend or a lover…
Keep an eye out for how they project their love.

By doing something similar to/for them back you may make them feel the most loved person in the world.
And THAT is a beautiful feeling.

It’s just about being aware I guess.

As I said – that’s one of my philosophies. Take it and do what you will.
Thanks for reading.. and just take a moment and think it over.


Touch. Time. Words. Actions. Presents.

Which ones are yours?

PS – And you’ll notice too that some of the closest people to you may share your projections. Funny that huh? 😉

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Author: James Whatley

Chief Strategy Officer in adland. I got ❤️ for writing, gaming, and figuring stuff out. I'm @whatleydude pretty much everywhere that matters. Nice to meet you x

10 thoughts on “The Five Projections of Love”

  1. Whatley…lets get married…we’ve figured it all out between us.

    Or alternatively….lets make a robocop type wife….a wife that understands us and knows how to project love to us, and receive what we’re passing to them as love (which actually is an expression of love), and also be able to remember these times of love during tiny points of frustration (the little seed that sprouts the big argument plant)…and stay rational. They also have to be super cool etc.

    *smiley emoticons, hugs and such

    Good blog though dude, dunno how I overlooked this one.

  2. The principles of the 5 projections of love are so true. All those failed relationships, the feeling of rejection when all it boiled down to was a misinterpretation. I’m with a guy now and for the first time it really feels right and you know what? It was the ‘touch’ projection, that he loves so much, that was missing from my previous relationships. I know it sounds completely corny but on our second date we were watching a movie at a friends house and he stroked my leg, an innocent touch but it made my heart race. That was when I fell for him, right there, mad isn’t it? I just knew that I wanted more… Naturally touch must be my key preference and I didn’t even know it. I would say we both have ‘touch’ and ‘presents’ in common, whereas his third projection is action which I really appreciate and recognise his efforts. My third preference is words though and I found that really hard at first, as we had a mismatch and I couldn’t understand what it was that wasn’t right. He’s opened up now after we got to know each other better so he certainly meets my top three… lucky me. Reading about the 5 projections and looking back, I think I need to take more action to demonstrate to him exactly how much he means to me. I love it… it’s a top tip that’s easy to do. It’s the small gestures that make all the difference isn’t it?

  3. Lovely post. Nice thought about thinking what other people do. I’ve never definitely thought about it, but hope I’ve managed to do it anyway. Thanks for the little prompt 🙂

  4. So many years, how on earth did I not comment on this? Brilliant stuff, glad to be an inspiration. Btw, we had date night just the other night.

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